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Photo copyright Suresh Gundappa 2006
Have you watched? Whenever you feel nervous you immediately start smoking. It is a way to avoid nervousness; you become occupied with smoking. Really it is a regression. Smoking makes you again feel like a child – unworried, nonresponsible – because smoking is nothing but a symbolic breast. The hot smoke going in simply takes you back to the days when you were feeding on the mother’s breast and the warm milk was going in; nipple has now become cigarette. The cigarette is a symbolic nipple.
Through regression you avoid the responsibilities and the pains of being adult. And that’s what goes on through many many drugs. Modern man is drugged as never before, because modern man is living in great suffering. Without drugs it will be impossible to live in so much suffering. Those drugs create a barrier; they keep you drugged, they don’t allow you enough sensitivity to know your pain.
The first thing to do is close your doors and stop any kind of occupation – looking at the TV, listening to the radio, reading a book. Stop all occupation, because that too is a subtle drug. Just be silent, utterly alone. Don’t even pray, because that again is a drug, you are becoming occupied, you start talking to God, you start praying, you escape from yourself.
Just be yourself. Whatsoever the pain of it and whatsoever the suffering of it, let it be so. First experience it in its total intensity. It will be difficult, it will be heart-rending. You may start crying like a child, you may start rolling on the ground in deep pain, your body may go through contortions. You may suddenly become aware that the pain is not only in the heart, it is all over the body – that it is aching all over, that it is painful all over, that your whole body is nothing but pain.
If you can experience it – this is of tremendous importance – then start absorbing it. Don’t throw it away. It is such valuable energy, don’t throw it away. Absorb it, drink it, accept it, welcome it, feel grateful to it. And say to yourself, “This time I’m not going to avoid it, this time I’m not going to reject it, this time I’m not going to throw it away. This time I will drink it and receive it like a guest. This time I will digest it.”
It may take few days for you to be able to digest it, but the day it happens, you have stumbled upon a door which will take you really far far away. A new journey has started in your life, you are moving into a new kind of being – because immediately, the moment you accept the pain with no rejection anywhere, its energy and its quality changes. It is no longer pain. In fact one is simply surprised, one cannot believe it, it is so incredible. One cannot believe that suffering can be transformed into ecstasy, that pain can become joy.
But in ordinary life you are aware that opposites are always joined together, that they are not opposites but complementaries. You know perfectly well, your love can at any moment become hate, and your hate can at any moment become love. In fact if you hate too much, intensely and totally, it is bound to become love…
Love and lots of it dear ones
Suresh
Thank you for your comment on my blog, and I must say, I’m thoroughly enjoying yours! Such lovely photography and facinating insights!
The photo drew me here. And now I see an active intelligence at work. Just what I was looking for! (“Be a Man! Cry like a woman!) (Every Woman is a Virgin till death!) I can hardly wait. But I will wait. Anticipation is fulfillment enough for now.
I wish my fiance (who smokes btw) thought about smoking in this manner.. Im gonna make him read this post. Sincerely,
Yet another powerful piece that applies to most people even those not smoking or taking drugs of any sort. Many have relied on a substance at some point if for no other reason than to mask pain caused by stress and heartache. There’s enormous pressure on folks in society today unlike any other time in history with new technology that affects each one of us on a global level. We’re bombarded with slick advertising campaigns from pharmaceutical companies that thrive off of our illnesses yet little is mentioned on prevention and wellness. I’m glad you have cut to the chase with your “words of wisdom” although I’ll admit the thoughts of actually doing this scares the hell out of me. How’s that for brutal honesty?
Please know that the comments above in no way suggests that I am critical of anybody taking medication so let me be clear on that…to the readers.
It’s easy to get caught up in the madness by not taking the time for a little self evalutation on these issues periodically. You have a way of tapping into the part of our psyche that we oftentimes don’t want to deal with. Anyway………….Ouch!
As always, thanks for your inspirational words and lovely photographs. There’s always much to gain, and much to absorb……………………
Great stuff. Love your photography and your philosophy!
I found your site after you left a comment at the Yellow Duck Pond last night. You have a different view to mine, but that doesn’t lessen its umpact. Rather the opposite, in fact.
I’m going to put a link to here on my site, so that my visitors can get away from the rush and chaos, and experience a bit of peace.
All the best.
I stole my first cigarette from my mother. I do not know why. I do not remember what I was feeling other than fearful anxious misbegotten adventure.
I did not engage fully in smoking until high school.
My mother quit smoking, to our all joy. She quit because she is motivated by fear and the facts about smoking came out.
I am motivated by joy.
Fear does not work for me!
And I started my journey of addiction, impending search for comfort, and stability. The paradox is obvious as Suresh points out.
I have quit two times, each time for three years. Three is a powerful number in my life.
I am currently confronting the most powerful injury of my life: I do not deserve to be fully loved.
Three was postpartum depression, shock treatments for my mother, and strangers caring for a three year old who knew nothing other than: Where is my mother? And in her soul, where has my mother been?
These are explanations of moments that affected me down to my bone soul, nothing more, nothing less. Each of us has our life to live and heal, no matter who we are.
This moment is the culmination of years of healing, writing, speaking with healers, body healing, art healing, and many more life moments. It is a terrifying moment. Yet, as I walk this moment paralleling a relationship, I begin to see that this relationing harms me; we are the conduit for this healing. I feel power in my deep crying. I feel grieving based on choosing. Not the terror of last month.
I spoke briefly with my friend of the conduit, it was hard, on the surface chatting, bringing us to him asking: How is kims? (A personal endearment for me.)
My response? Deep crying. We were communicating on a messenger and I did not write anything. Minutes when by and he wrote: What happened? I said: I do not know.
In a way, I did not know. In another aspect, I chose not to share. Why?
For the first time in my life I protected the 3 year old myself. I became the parent. For me, it is so true that we seek the comfort we knew or thought we knew or crave because we did not have it. We still know what “it” is even if we went without.
It is everyone’s path to find his or her own growth and evolution.
I am finding mine.
Cigarettes keep the black hole from devouring me until I can look the hole in the eye. We all have black holes. We compulse to feed them, I have sought food, which is now a natural place in my life. I can relate to Sheryl Crow when she sings about living on caffeine and nicotine. These drugs elevate me.
This elevation keeps me from my pain, my hunger for love, living, creating, being, and moving through my spiral of life in a way that would bring more living and thus, giving.
Yet they do not mar me completely, I am an exceptionally present person, a bane and a boon.
What happens now? What happens if I quite smoking? I am already good at rolling on the floor in pain. I can feel the pain of my soul and heart in my body, thus, the body healing work I have engaged in. What happens? Can I do it? Can I live through it? Can I make it my own and not my own?
None of these questions require answers.
These are what I call the “I don’t know if I can do it” expressions.
And, as my first therapist, Joanne said: “I don’t know has a lot of possibilities.”
This statement has stood the test of time, a priceless lesson from Joanne.
Suresh and his essay pierced me in a loving way. Somehow these words went deep inside me and started a dialogue with all that is me and all that is my life in this moment. It has taken me until now to write, and I said: “Time to write Kim.” It did not just happen in some seamless moment like other writing can.
If I take away smoking, I take away my smokescreen. What will I find there once the smoke is gone?
The unknown is a scary place.
Yet, I feel myself happening. I feel myself crying for a loss that will be my own choosing so that I may gain her back. It is not scary; it feels like coming home. Her is me. She deserves all the love that exists, as we all do.
Why? Just because.
In this moment I am loosing my safe known place, standing on my mountaintop, arms open, inviting all that is me to come together.
I am not there yet. Nothing is a pinpoint moment. I am living this expansion as I write.
I do not know time. The only moment I felt like time made sense was when I was visiting the Pine Ridge Indian reservation in South Dakota; I felt that here in this embodiment of community I fit in, as it relates to time. (I am a German English descent middle class white chick!)
I will quit when I quit. I will exercise when I do.
And I will.
Kim
suresh! Now I know, thanks to your words, how to tackle this problem.
Also I would like to tell you that I have learnt something from here (your blog): I speak this in terms of photography. I’ve always clicked any picture that appealed to me lots of junk was gathered but then I never stopped clickin I clicked on and on..until one day I realized that the best pictures I made were when I was feeling the best, no matter even If am at the best photographic location in the world. Since then I stopped clicking at everything and anything. I take deep breaths and ask myself once again why am I doing this? there is a sense of calmness inside me and I kind of get disconnected with petty things hanging in my mind and my thoughts gets focussed on seeing the beauty around me and in no time a smile comes running to my face and the results seem to speak for themselves.
I also like the kind of positive energy your blog gathers positive talk, positive people and lots of positive energy mate.
Thanks again!!
cheers
Kim,
Kim,
Your comment literally took my breath away.
Let me just say, you will never truly understand the power and impact of your response. Thank you!
As always,
Peace
Dear Gracie,
First, you are welcome.
Second, I have never known the power of my affect. I have been told, as you chose to share, and that deserves a thank you also.
So much is kept in the shadows.
To thank me is to bring yourself out of a shadow.
I have been told how I affect others. I accept with grace and thankfulness the words. (And, feel grateful I did not indaverdently harm someone!). But I will never know, truly know, how I feel to another.
Whatever happened for you?
I am glad.
Take care,
Kim
I have to agree with Gracie on Kim’s writing. What a combination! We get two profound writers at the same time. Suresh’s blog and kim’s Comments.
I have read every comment Kim made on this site. But this one is her best. Actually blown me away. I am still a smoker but I think of this blog evrytime I smoke.
This was a marvellous post.Not too sure whether just the will power allows them to totally quit from it.
I remember once my doctor brother warned my dad to quit his smoking, he tried reducing it… One day he quit completely, but that was just for few days! He once had told all of us that he keeps trying till he does it.. My dad is the person who had the strongest will power to do what he wants! May be he himself never WANTED to quit
When I went to his room on Nov1st, I saw a cigarette pack on the table… He breathed his last when karnataka was celebrating the golden jubliee! Sigh with a relief
Thanks Veena for sharing your experience. I am sorry about Your Dad. One of the posts I have written and not posted is on Drugs and God, How old sages have used drugs to show glimpse of God! . Hope in coming days I will get opportunity to post it.
Cheers
Suresh
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At the risk of being obsessed by this blog
– or I guess its the theme – (which actually I don’t mind being obsessed by 
) – I felt compelled to post this here as soon as I woke up this morning… [got to run... bye for now!]
Then said Almitra, “Speak to us of Love.”
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
~ The Prophet – On Love
Hi Suresh, hadn’t noticed the copyright on the site, you might consider retaining only the link in the above comment:
http://leb.net/gibran/works/prophet/prophet2.html
Thanks,
Sanjay
Sanjay ,
thanks for this poem, It’s one of my favorites too . Don’t worry about the copy right as we have credited them with the link.
Cheers
Suersh
Came across a wiki link on Freud today. Have read a bit of Freud here and there but there were some really good points here:
According to Freud, people often experience thoughts and feelings that are so painful that they cannot bear them. Such thoughts and feelings—and associated memories—could not, Freud argued, be banished from the mind, but could be banished from consciousness. Thus they come to constitute the unconscious.
But the understanding was mostly through intellectual rationalisation. What an irony that none of that nor his vast knowledge could help him face the very same thoughts and feelings that he seeked to escape through smoking.
“Freud was an intense smoker, and had to go through more than 30 operations during his life, due to mouth cancer. Eventually, he was so tired of the illness that he asked his doctor to help him with assisted suicide.”
Hello All,
I was reading around some of the posts here and I found interesting things that you guys talk about, I just made a blog about quitting smoking resources and ideas that you might want to check out.
If someone is interested in this topic just go to; http://endthehabitnow.blogspot.com and let me know what you think.
Thanks in advance.
50 most creative anti smoking ads
http://10steps.sg/inspirations/artworks/50-most-creative-anti-smoking-advertisements/