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Photo Copyright Suresh Gundappa 2006
Note: I have been asked by several of my blogger friends to write something about motherhood. Obviously It is a difficult propositon for a man to write on the most creative act of nature. I have tried my best. On Thanks Giving day,This is my celebration of Motherhood.
When a mother is feeding her child, she is not only giving milk as was always thought. Now biologists have stumbled upon a deeper fact, and they say she is feeding energy — milk is just the physical part. And they have done many experiments: a child is raised, food is given — as perfect as possible, whatsoever medical science has found. Everything is given, but the child is not loved, not cuddled; the mother does not touch him. The milk is given through mechanical devices, injections are given, vitamins are given — everything is perfect. But the child stops growing, he starts shrinking, as if life starts moving away from him. What is happening? … Because whatsoever the mother was giving is being given.
It happened in Germany that during the war many small orphan babies were put into a hospital. Within weeks they were all almost dying. Half of them died — and every care was taken; scientifically they were absolutely right, they were doing whatsoever was needed. But why were these children dying? Then one psychoanalyst observed that they needed some cuddling, somebody to hug them, somebody to make them feel significant. Food is not food enough. ” Some inner food, some invisible food is needed. So the psychoanalyst made a rule that whosoever came into the room — a nurse, a doctor, a servant — had to give at least five minutes in the room to hug and play with the children. And suddenly they were not dying, they started growing. And since then many experiments have been done.
When a mother hugs a child, energy is flowing. That energy is invisible — we have called it love, warmth. Something is jumping from the mother to the child, and not only from the mother to the child, from the child to the mother also. That’s why a woman is never so beautiful as when she becomes a mother. Before, something is lacking, she is not complete, the circle is broken. Whenever a woman becomes a mother, the circle is complete. A grace comes to her as if from some unknown source. So not only is she feeding the child, the child is also feeding the mother. They are happily ‘into’ each other. And there is no other relationship which is so close. Even lovers are not so close, because the child comes from the mother, from her very blood, her flesh and bones; the child is just an extension of her being. Never again will this happen, because nobody can be so close. A lover can be near your heart, but the child has lived inside the heart. The mother’s heart has been beating, and that was the heartbeat of the child, he had no other heart; the mother’s blood circulated in him, he had no independence, he was just part of her. For nine months he remained as part of the mother, organically joined, one. The mother’s life was his life, the mother’s death would have been his death. Even afterwards it goes on: a transfer of energy, a communication of energy exists
Love and lots of it dear ones
Suresh
Hi Suresh, I think your comments are spot on (right on target) with respect to invisible inner nourishment for both mothers and their breastfed babies. The difficulty lies with figuring out how to include the father in this eternal circle if it appears complete without him; I do not believe the circle is truly and always complete, nor should it be, without the father being involved: the question is how? It is easy to see how many men can immerse themselves in work at a time when their new-mother-wives need them the most, because a mother is not able to give as much attention to her husband when he is feeling proud yet unsure about his role as a father (and enhanced importance as bread-winner) and she is drawn——for the reasons you have described so well——towards the child she has already known for months before the birth.
Could’t agree with you more, I just did’t want to write too much but I will write one of these days from father’s angle. I can atleast tell you about fatherhood that I have first hand experience! thanks for your wonderful comment!
Inel, may be you would like this answer: in fact, there are always 3 of them, and a child is connected with the mother throught the left sympathetic nervous system, with the father – through the right sympathetic nervous system. It is just there, all the time – no matter how close or far they are. Examples on a hysical level: when there is a problem with the mother, there often comes a problem with the heart of a child. Physical problem of liver (on the right side) come from the overactive /mental of physical/ father. Same for astma – mostly a father-problem. So we are all connected!…
As a new father, I can say this life energy flows between the three. there is something special between the mother-child, father-child, and mother-father relationship.
Each one is special and crucial for surviving pf the three.
Hello shaktipower,
I agree with you that all three are connected. However, I agree with Suresh that there is an infinite or eternal bond between mother and child that is most powerful, most obvious, and most natural during breastfeeding.
Where love is concerned, I prefer to think in terms of expansion and union rather than division. By that, I mean I would not mentally slice a child in half to talk about his or her left and right nervous systems, just as I would not blame one parent or the other for any problem with any child.
My point is that the circle between mother and child appears to be complete—and feels like it is pretty complete and can be totally consuming too, at the beginning of a new mother-child relationship—but there is more than motherhood at stake. The father needs to be included in a new circle too, just as Ido says. Complete love for one person does not mean that there is no love left for anyone else: it just needs realigning, and that is the tough adjustment that has to occur whenever a child is added to a family. It happens every time.
Often it is the father who suffers in the celebration of motherhood, because he may be ignored or treated like an innocent bystander in the excitement over new mother and newborn child. I think dads need a bit of a fuss made over them too, so I am looking forward to Suresh’s post on fatherhood one day
Inel,I see your points quite clear and i agree with you completely. Love is always the absolute and the infinite, but it can be expressed in a diferent way (fatherly love, motherly love).
It is a well-known problem, that a father can not immediately find his place and the way of expressing his love to the other two. But it is ultimetly the child who unites the parents in its being.
Mother-father-child realtionship is such a complex one and – as any other things! – is manifested on different levels: physical, emotional, “subtle”, even spiritual.
I have many years of experience whatching how the nature and behaviour of parents influence a child (up to 200 families) – this knowledge helps to understand the true amount of responsibility which we have towards our children! It is not only giving them love, bringin them up, educating – it is much more…
All my best to you!
Beautiful. Energy is exchanged between mother and child through many ways, such as cuddling or even feeling the babe in one’s heart, or sending loving energy through creative visualisation. Fathers and other connected caregivers also exchange energy with babies. They are very open creatures.
1.
I am a senior citizen(70) from Singapore and found your article invigorating and would like to congratulate on your observations
In Tamil we have the saying
“Thaayinum cirantha kovilum illai..”
..a profound observation”.
…..to view Mother as GOD…..
I do realise that if not for my MOTHER I would not be what I am
Best wishes to all MOTHERS
Comment by N P Karthigayan
That picture rocks! I can feel the energy of her smile even now. Thanks for the post on motherhood. What a treat.
Makes me think of the idea of perichorisis. It is a word some Church Fathers used to describe the inner life of the Trinity and basically it indicates a dance of love. In the dance, there lovers are in constant motion:Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So I cannot isolate one from the other for all three become one in a blur of love. The mother and child reveal the most basic dance of love. The endless fow of energy between mother and child refreshes my heart and eyes to the flow of love that should move between all living things.
As we celebrate mothers, may we dance with one another before the Creator in a celebration of love.
I especially love your pieces written from the perspective of a woman. There are few men that have enough insight into the female psyche that could pull this off and you had me initially fooled when I first read your site.
Becoming a mother is one of the most incredible acts a woman can experience from conception until death. This is an awesome piece, Suresh.
Wonderful write up..!
Being a mother is a wonderful thing certainly.. well, sometime it fears thinking whether it makes the woman selfish about this relationship..!!! but that one should be a healtheir one…
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nice discussion here on father or son