This photo is dedicated to those who lost their lives on Virginia Tech shoot out.
Photo copyright Suresh Gundappa 2007
I have been traveling across the US promoting My firms Global expansion program. I heard Viriginia tech incident while on road. I am deeply hurt and disturbed by what i saw and heard. I wanted to share few thoughts with you.
First of all lets’ stop blaming everyone for killings. You can have theories on Guns, Officials and killer, but nothing changes the reality.
However one thing which bothered me lot is…..
“What kind of person may be so angry to Kill 32 persons mercilessly?What kind of Person might be so frustrated to take lives of known and unknown people?”
Don’t bother to answer the above, however do answer the following
What have you done to make sure that your son is not the next killer? How much you know about frustrations of your son or daughter? What makes you think you are not making your kid angry?
Remember that every kid is born as an immense potential but the way he has been brought up results in what he turns out to be.
Love is most important ingredient in your child growth. Not vitamins not proteins , definitely not cheeseburgers but Love is the most important ingredient in your child’s growth. If your kid is not loved and he in turn is not able to love; then I promise you that he has already potential to be a killer; need not be with gun but with his behavior and attitude and in his relationships.
To cut long story short, here are few thoughts I would like young parents to consider. Please take time to read and understand as you might be saving your kid and others lives.
* Have ideas on what you want your child to be when he grows up but do not force your idea on them. They have come from you but they are not yours. they are not your ego fulfilling guinea pigs! First source of anger in kids is feeling of slave with parents. They feel parents force everything on them.
* Love your kids but don’t expect to love them back. Don’t force them to love you and respect you. You can Love them so much that your children finds equal joy in loving back. Demanding forceful respect because you are a parent is the worst thing you can do to your child. This is second source of anger with your child.
* Be responsible – If you are a parent then don’t neglect your responsibility. Your responsibility is towards you and your kid. Your divorce, Your career, Your failures, Your success; all part of life. Do not allow them to dictate how you behave with your kids. Children learn art of relating from parents. Relationships goes thru hell because they fail to learn art of relating. The moment child fails learn art of relating to people, He will build his own dark world. Most of the young criminals are lonely persons. Children with friends are less prone to dark world.
* Spend some time with them. Do not offer advice . Do not offer counseling but just spend sometime to hear them out. You need not offer any suggestion but create an outlet for their story every day. Most of the children frustration is that you as a parent do not give them enough time to hear them. Trust me if you hear them you will learn lot about yourself.Another biggest cause of anger.
* Teach them something about silence. Words doesn’t build character but silence does. It doesn’t matter what religion and what belief you have, Do expose them to prayer and silence. Children biggest source of anger comes from hypocrisy of parents. They behave differently with God and in real life. Parents say non -violence is god and then they beat up children. Avoid at any cost violence on children. Their helpless in getting beaten builds ocean of anger.
* Allow them to learn at least one art which they like – May be singing, may be poetry, May be:painting, wood work, kite flying; It may be anything. If you provide your kid with an creative outlet chances are that he will carry less burden in his heart. All creative people are non violent for simple reason that they have no energy left for violence.
Invest in Love and Love is the only investment you can make in your child which can grow for centuries. Love has power to reap benefits for centuries.
The function of the parents is not how to help the children grow — they will grow without you. Your function is to support, to nourish, to help what is already growing.
Only one thing you can do, and that is share your own life. Tell them that you have been conditioned by your parents, that you have lived within certain limits, according to certain ideals, and because of these limits and ideals you have missed life completely, and you don’t want to destroy your children’s life. You want them to be totally free — free of you, because to them you represent the whole past.
I am sorry for those children who lost their lives in Virginia tech shoot out. I am also sorry for Cho Seung-Hui who killed them.
Dear Cho – May you be loved enough in your next life!
Love and lots of it dear ones
Suresh
Suresh, thanks for such a wondeful note.
I am mother of two grown up kids. Being single mother I always struggle to balance. but I will give them enough time. Your question shaked me so much that I can’t imagine my kid to be anything but good person.
Thank you for your wonderful note. I am grateful to you.
whatever you say I hate this bloody Gun makers and they have to be shot dead! I am sure quiite a number of kids who are dead have been Loved.
Suresh
Again we got a winner from you. How thoughful of you to address parenting when all the media is doing is blame game.
bless you friend. people like you make this world lot better
Mauy god bring peace to sorrowing families.
really eye opener for me. I read viriginia tech news as it did’t appky to me. your article suddenly reminded me of my responsibilities.
thank you my friend. you have a great blog here,
So lovely and so touching article. Shows mirror to my life
All of us are responsible for this killings. we keep on living in world of Hypocricy.
this artile is really eye opener for parents.
We love you suresh for your wonderful gesture.
I think you have got the number wrong. It is 33.
Sorry pal.
you have got a great blog here. Just brilliant work.
How true it is what you write and simple,one should think. But sadly not simple enough to understand for those parents who neglect their children in one way or another.
I like in particular your point about musicians and artists not having enough surplus energy to be violent.
Am happy to say that both my children attend music classes….
Such a tragedy in Virginia and an example we have to learn from.
A neglected child and easy access to weapons is defintiely a tragic combination. As I see it it is very much up to the US government to finally put some real restrictions on to their gun laws – that is if they find human life precious enough.
Hope a lot of parents would read what you feature here You are really an angel. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS WONDERFUL ARTICLE.
By the way can i grab the flower pictures. Please.
Suresh – It is the lack of love and understanding that makes people go berserk, that makes them loose their sanity. Mental illness in today’s society is on the rise. And we need to deal with these issues with a compassionate heart. If we care for those in our own families, that would be more than sufficient.
I know of a young woman who is now in her mid- 30′s. She was once an outstanding student and a promising sportsperson. When she failed to secure good marks in her school finals, she lost her sense of balance. She began to suffer from violent outbreaks and has since then been living on medication. A day without her pills, and she turns out to be a maniac.
From what I read, it looks like Cho was suffering from a deep mental imbalance. In countries like India it is common to see people with mental illness left to fend for themselves on the roads. Families disown them. Hospitals do’nt care for them. And as passers-by we laugh at them. The responsibility for an incident like this falls on everyone in society.
Suresh, thank you for this post. The Virigina Tech tragedy has been quite close to me – one of the professors killed was a friend (close enough to have been an instrumental part of my wedding), I am an Asian who was once a foreign student in America, and I have a brother with mental illness. Our family has been getting along much better than I once thought was possible, ever since we’ve started practising Dharma. I have long pondered the kindness as well as unkindness that parents and society show towards individuals – and how some acts of unkindness can sow seeds that result in really terrible tragedies. The only antidote is kindness. The only antidote is compassion. All we can do is to be aware of what we can do today with and for the people we encounter – we can love them. Thank you again.
Suresh, What a beautiful piece you’ve written here. Well said.
While I appreciate the underlying sentiment on this post, I must respectfully disagree. To essentially blame ‘bad’ parenting for all the mental illness manifested in their children is just wrong. Biology plays as big a part in the way a child turns out as environment. We see examples left over right of children who come from horrendously abusive homes who do NOT become serial murders and social defiants. However, there are many examples of killers who – for all intents and purposes – were raised by very conscientious parents. I think some balance is needed here. It’s just too simplistic to declare that “the way he has been brought up results in what he turns out to be.”
Thank you Grace for your comment. And Surash for the post. As a poet, and a parent with a troubled teen…I can say one thing is certain. It takes something “Greater Than” to repair damages of any kind. Whether this be “biological” or “environmental”. Parents/Teachers/Guardians all… must be willing to reach out, and we/others must be willing to reach back. At some point there may have been hope and a chance to change the patterns that were developing. Some folks don’t believe change is possible. Now there is something to pray about, write about, dream towards. A peaceful heart in every man…
Grace you are right and I agree with you,
My thoughts when I wrote this blog was more towards how as a parent can avoid bad influences beyond house. When I mean “bought up” I mean the whole ecosystem which includes friends, teachers, neighbors, Role models and Parents..But then like you mentioned there are enough cases where parents have done good job but the results are different, I am definitely not generalizing but only underlining the important role of Parents.
Thanks for your Fantastic comments.
Nice thoughts suresh, looks so scary! I think its our responsibility to build the future generation & specially I admire what you said in the last para… share your life! wow! Just amazing.. that gives us a clue to us to know how we should be first!
Suresh.. wonderful post…great thoughts.. everytime I visit your blog I go back a little wiser
World can be better, but it should begin with you, as a parent.
The perspective of parenting has changed, its more of need based, i.e. allow the child to let lose, in the name of freedom, as they (Parents) can’t find time for themselves to be with child and; shower gifts and monies, in the hope that, the absence of parent, when in need, is being compensated. Hence the equation of Love, lately, has been sadly, a kind of commodity. As a dedicated parent, guilt shouldnt arise, but the need to find a solution, at the adverse situations. Its just that, the need maybe more than parenting and no human is perfect and by the book, but just beyond it, in some cases. Love takes time, but the situations to instill faith within, is always around the corner, hence patience with your loved one, is the only choice & the hope…
The mad act of Cho, has made the sorrowing families to crave for their invisble loved souls, to come back, but the superior one, above, has his own rule and we all standby them, for once. In the hour of grief, peace to the family of lost loved ones.
I think you’re right Suresh. If asked 15 years from now, most people will not recognize the name Seung Hui Cho, but they will remember the Virginia Tech Shootings. The monster that perpetrated these killings resides within us all, it always has, and it always will.
I agree with your views on Virginia Tech. I wrote a similar blog called Anthony’s Ashes, on the topic of youth crime. I wrote it before the VT shootings, but it still applies.
It’s most important not to treat our children like objects. They thrive in an environment of acceptance, listening, and compassion.
My website is mariacristina.wordpress.com.
I can’t speak for anyone especially for a killer .I can only speak for myself. Let’s take five seconds….. Just five seconds to think against the grain. Maybe the news media is lying to us. Maybe, just maybe he wasn’t crazy but driven to an insane action by those who felt too comfortable. They could have acted however they wanted cause either daddy or the authorities would fly in to protect these arrogant, spoiled kids. …… Once again I don’t know any of these kids. And for the families I understand the grief, but is it possible you didn’t see your little angels inter act with this madman. Is it possible your children themselves pushed him to this action? Would he have taken a different road if little Johnny was a little more decent to little cho.
Why else did the media stop showing the tapes? Do you really believe they grew a conscience. They now know decency? I can’t say, but I know people are seeing SOME truth to what cho said. They speak it to me without prompting. That’s why they stop showing the tapes.
Then again maybe these kids were innocent and cho was a complete nut.
Personally I never met anyone dead or alive who is innocent. I know your three year old is innocent but your three year old knows when, where and how to lie. No?
Maybe cho realized these college children would have grown up to be truly a negative affect on the world at large.
Tell me how different the story would be if we could go back and kill Hitler when he was in college. Do you really believe the media would have patted our man on the back? No! he would be a monster.
I really don’t believe any of these kids were Hitler but what if cho wasn’t too far from the truth.
I don’t know anyone involved, and my point is not to pass judgment on anyone.
All I wish to say is I’m really getting tired of the media and every easily lead moron telling me how to look at things. People, have your opinions and someone will always disagree with whatever your saying.
Stop thinking the way they tell you to…………….. Form your own opinion and don’t have any fear to speak your mind……………..
Remember if you call me names cause you don’t agree with me then you know what started cho….. Maybe your apart of the problem not me
– Tyler Goines
05 01 07
beautifully written. the post actually reflects your inner positive attitude towards life.
Suresh it is really true parents are responsible to a large extent for the behaviors of the child.the way you have written it is amazing I felt this should be widely publicized and all must look into these in a positive way.
yes it is easy to say but difficult to follow
may be the reaction at least I felt we can think and definitely some changes will come and it improves the relationship.
thrusting their aspirations on child is common with educated parents some I have seen I could not become doctor my child should or my nephew is a doctor my child should be one like this ;they forget the aptitude of the child.
your write up is a eye opener for many and I feel everyone should read it and follow at least a portion of it to improve the life for themselves.
thanks a ton for a great post
I am your newest fan. Love your blog. I am adding you to my blogroll right away!
Thanks jack and it’s my pleasure to know you.
Suresh,this is the first time iam reading ur blog..soo nice u have written..Thanks mate i feel u r educating all new parents..good work ..keep it up
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