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If this is understood then things become very clear. Misery makes you special. Happiness is a universal phenomenon, there is nothing special about it. Trees are happy and animals are happy and birds are happy. The whole existence is happy, except man. Being miserable, man becomes very special, extraordinary.
Misery makes you capable of attracting people’s attention. Whenever you are miserable you are attended to, sympathized with, loved. Everybody starts taking care of you. Who wants to hurt a miserable person? Who is jealous of a miserable person? Who wants to be antagonistic to a miserable person? That would be too mean.
The miserable person is cared for, loved, attended to. There is great investment in misery. If the wife is not miserable the husband simply tends to forget her. If she is miserable the husband cannot afford to neglect her. If the husband is miserable the whole family, the wife, the children, are around him, worried about him; it gives great comfort. One feels one is not alone, one has a family, friends.
When you are ill, depressed, in misery, friends come to visit you, to solace you, to console you. When you are happy, the same friends become jealous of you. When you are really happy, you will find the whole world has turned against you.
Nobody likes a happy person, because the happy person hurts the egos of the others. The others start feeling, “So you have become happy and we are still crawling in darkness, misery and hell. How dare you be happy when we all are in such misery!”
And of course the world consists of miserable people, and nobody is courageous enough to let the whole world go against him; it is too dangerous, too risky. It is better to cling to misery, it keeps you a part of the crowd. Happy, and you are an individual; miserable, you are part of a crowd — Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Indian, Arabian, Japanese. Happy? Do you know what happiness is? Is it Hindu, Christian, Mohammedan? Happiness is simply happiness. One is transported into another world. One is no more part of the world the human mind has created, one is no more part of the past, of the ugly history. One is no more part of time at all. When you are really happy, blissful, time disappears, space disappears.
Just look into your misery, watch, and you will be able to find what the reasons are. And then look into those moments when once in a while you allow yourself the joy of being in joy, and then see what differences are there. These will be the few things: when you are miserable you are a conformist. Society loves it, people respect you, you have great respectability, you can even become a saint; hence your saints are all miserable. The misery is written large on their faces, in their eyes. Because they are miserable they are against all joy. They condemn all joy as hedonism; they condemn every possibility of joy as sin. They are miserable, and they would like to see the whole world miserable. In fact only in a miserable world can they be thought to be saints. In a happy world they would have to be hospitalized, mentally treated. They are pathological.
You have to learn how to be happy, and you have to learn to respect happy people and you have to learn to pay more attention to happy people, remember. This is a great service to humanity. Don’t sympathize too much with people who are miserable. If somebody is miserable, help, but don’t sympathize. Don’t give him the idea that misery is something worthwhile. Let him know perfectly well that you are helping him, but “This is not out of respect, this is simply because you are miserable.” And you are not doing anything but trying to bring the man out of his misery, because misery is ugly. Let the person feel that the misery is ugly, that to be miserable is not something virtuous, that “You are not doing a great service to humanity.”Be happy, respect happiness, and help people to understand that happiness is the goal of life only creative people are happy. Happiness is a by-product of creativity. Create something, and you will be happy. Create a garden, let the garden bloom, and something will bloom in you. Create a painting, and something starts growing in you with the growing painting. As the painting comes to the finish, as you are giving the last touches to the painting, you will see you are no more the same person. You are giving the last touches to something that is very new in you.
Love and lots of it dear ones
Suresh
interesting and almost true…
But even happyniess is not the sign! The problem is that if you have some unique experiences you can never make otehr feel the same, only if they experience that themselves…
acoording to your classifucation I am a very happy person 😉 but it is not the limit! :)))
I have a question. I see that you have an option called “subscribe to meditation.” how’d you do that? Or at least can you point me in the direction to find out how to apply that option to my blog.
morefire.wordpress.com
Very provocative trestise! You had me thinking and questioning the whole way through. Pathological saints, huh??? You may be right! I am sitting with your ideas and observing my world through your lens. Thanks!
Thanks for your encouragement in this world of chronic discontent.
Great picture. tigers are so photogenic. I’m drawn to that enclosure at the zoo each time I visit.
Misery doesn’t always love company, though. I think I disagree on that point.
Politicians along with certain religious leaders often use their power to make people feel as if misery is the only outcome in not following a specific religious dogma or political ideology. History has made it quite clear what can happen following that path.
One of your best posts yet. I know lots of people who are sick, to squeeze out sympathy and attention from others. They play the victim role, because people dote on them and shower them with affection, when they are this poor weakling, ha ha! One of my best friends glamorized sadness and the ‘suffering’ of life. I was like, that’s not Buddha’s highest teaching, ha ha!
Great comment by Gracie
I’ll be back to read some more. I think I need to have a chat with misery and let it know that I want no more of it…and then post a reminder to let it go everyday until it’s a habit. Doo-wah ditty ditty dum ditty dooo…
Thank you !!
I have observed such things but never understood why someone would choose thoughts that perpetuate misery. Now I have a little more insight into what might motivate such behavior.
May I always choose happiness
Happiness IS a choice…and so is life. A portion in Deuteronomy {Bible}(30:19) agrees ‘I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse: therefore choose life, that you may live’. Making the choice to be fully alive, laying hold of possible happiness requires courage. It is often helped when assisted by the strength of others and then developed as the individual tries to benchpress that happiness though the world’s weight may require a record-breaking lift. Go for it though and LIVE and Dare to be HAPPY.
Wow! How true. I have seen misery around me. Even though I knew that there is no need to be miserable – the person chooses to be the most miserable person in the world – I was forced to support this misery and console, sypathize and groan together. After reading this article I realize that it is ok for me to be happy because I am happy and satisfied with life and there is no reason for me to follow suit and act miserable to please miserable people. Now I know how to deal with it. Thanks a lot.
Great picture.
This article has exactly described the way misery and happiness work for us humans. It is so easy to become miserable, and once someone is happy the miserable person attaches to him/her like a leach sucking the last drop of happiness left for that person. Miserable people can never be satisfied and the only thing left for them is to make everyone else miserable. Great article!
I had quoted this in an earlier post titled miserable reality?
Truly an uplifting post this was… esp the lines on gardening or painting went straight to my heart… I can relate to that as I remember such activities more long ago when I was a kid, and my interest is renewed now!
I am printing this one out [as always… thank you Suresh 8) ]
what should i do if the negative person is my elderly mother whom I am the care giver to, because of her health problems and she never worked, Have you seen throw momma from the train movie, she’s like that. I hate to think the words I hate her, but sometimes she brings out some emotions in me. I’m not married thanks to the misery that I have endured my whole life from her, I know it is not good to be miserable, but I feel it’s better than my last escape of alcohol. I have to take care of her she’s my mother and I love her. She took care of me when I was a little boy and I feel some responsibility. She has never said i love you and I have confronted her on this and all I get is curse words and told that I am worthless. It’s easy to say “be happy”, but it’s not as easy as you make it sound. I moved out at 17 years old, but my mother had a stroke when I was 18, my father abandoned us when I was born. I had to move back in to help her. I no longer drink due to health reasons and I try to escape as much as I can from her. When I work that’s 8 hrs.a day and then when the government nurse comes around I leave the house. I take walks in the park and I see mothers hugging their children, and I think my mother never hugged me, I am 36 years old and I put heart out here on the net because I do want sympathy. I did not create any of this. I don’t wish it on anyone. I do love and I love people, but a lot of the time I am miserable, I wish I wasn’t, yes this does depress me. And yes my face shows misery and not to many people like me and I know it comes with the territory of being in misery. I have learned to take it as a compliment that I don’t get invited anywhere and that no one seems to care about me. You say that people worry about you when your miserable. It’s not true. NO one has ever cared for me. I cannot sit here and let you write mysery down as something that some people choose. My mother will one day die, my mysery will not come to an end. My mother never loved me, and no one has ever said I love you to me. Unloved till the day I die I guess. I do have some hope though, my story is not as bad as some others just open your eyes around the world, people are born and die without ever knowing happiness or love and we are a greater number I can bet. So maybe your hapiness is just a pipe dream and your trying to sell your books, or programs.
Let me tell you ,YOU are not alone, i understand what you’re saying, but time will heal, i felt the same about my mother, it took her 46 years to tell me i was the most beautiful little girl in the world and that she loved me, it may take a long time but those few words did heal a lot of anger.
Try to find happiness and if unable speak to a doctor i found i also suffered depression which kept me in the black hole,
@lucius: Don’t know if you will revisit this page, and see this comment, but I thought I’d pen this down, just in case you do. I know for sure that Jesus loves you. He will love you no matter what. The fact that you are alive inspite of all the misery you’ve endured is reason enough for me to believe He loves you. The fact that you have access to the internet and knowledge enough to use it, is another glaring example of His love for you. Always remember, even when your own family forsakes you, there is one God who will love you, and love you more than you will ever know.
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interesting P.O.V. made me think really. there is much truth to this, however, the fact that a person may thrive on misery for seeking, and actually attaining attention leads me to think that there must be some happiness/upside there… but thats just what i thought. other than that though, i totally agree that sympathy to those experiencing misery is a bad call because in a way they are helping it grow… as if they have the right to be miserable. but being happy, and showing care can help them get out of that miserable situation.
Very insightful piece . I can identify with it . our dependecy on misery is so much that we are scared when we are happy . We feel BAD when we feel Good thinking that we will feel WORSE when we will feel BAD .
as someone posted the very fitting quote of agent smith i think that this is only part of the reason somewhere (although rarely ) if that HOPE( reason of misery) and Anger/Frustration ( consequence of misery ) is properly channelized it becomes source of our greatest strength . But thats a rare thing ..may be there are many more factors which cause that . but for majority of ppl Misery is Constant Fixture of Life .
bang on man. my girlfriend just left me and she was the most miserable person in hell, i tell you.
i thought, she did me the honours, i should have left her ages ago, feeling much happier now that im away from that horrable rotten misery infected virus!
Yes, clearly true.. well doesnt you incline to give some emotion when helping people? Or strictly helping people without any sense of emotion as what states as being not helping people with symphaty. It is our fear if we help people with the sense of symphaty, we afraid we will be influence with his miserable life. By right, if we have a stand as a wise man, we’ll never get influence by any fear that comes to us.
p/s: There is no such religion as Muhammadean, but Islam it is…
Hello i’m new but last week i was having a real problem with a miserable person it was affecting me and i wanted ot find a way of improving the situation.
Your words clarified and made me understand.
Thank you
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